Bake Sale Today!

So yesterday I made some sugar cookies and then me and Xtine and Hil frosted them and today we're selling them and other things down at the Hollywood Farmer's Market at Vine to raise money for the Obama Grassroots Campaign and the No On 8 Campaign. Come on down and buy something. (This means you Australia!) The stuff ain't fo' free, but the czash goes to a good cause.

Giant Mother Spider

So last night I went to the MOCA with Ali G. for a little pre-opening thingy for the new Louise Bourgeois retrospective. Free wine, free snax, free cute Frenchmen in good suits (vive la France!), and oh, yeah, free art.

Ms. Bourgeois is my favorite artist ever, because when I was living in Prague, I once wandered through an exhibition of her work, checking out one of the little "cells" she'd built out of doors when suddenly, instantly, I missed my mother.

This was because, on a little table inside this particular cell, Ms. Bourgeois had arranged a marble arm, a mirror and a dozen Shalimar bottles - my mom's perfume. So beyond her amazing sculptures of giant mother spiders and weird awesome bodies, her exhibit smelled like my mommy.

Go see the show - it opens tomorrow!

I'm Just Saying...

Next Tuesday from 2P-6P, get a Taco Bell taco fo' free, all across America, courtesy of Jason Bartlett of the Tampa Bay Rays.

You don't have to like baseball, but I'm just saying, now you can't say it never did anything for you. Because, as one newspaper put it: "Stolen Base Good News For Taco Lovers."

(Notice they cut it off before the 1 AM after-the-show munchies hit.)

Complaining = Fo' Free!

I will tell you a little secret. Sometimes, when it's one of those nights on the couch, I get a pizza delivered, and I'm not talking about a grilled-fig-prosciutto-carmelized-onions-and-goat-cheese pizza (my greatest culinary achievement EVER). No, I get a Pizza Hut sausage pizza. The pizza of my childhood. A large.

So last night was one of those nights. I ordered my pie online (20% off your first online order, bitssches), and waited in a fever of guilty anticipation. But when the pizza arrived, it sucked, and I mean really sucked. It was dry, old and way too salty, even for me. So after eating only one piece, I called PH and politely told them that although they had delivered perfection every other time, this time I'd gotten a dud.

And guess what? They gave me a $15 credit, so the next time I order a pizza, it's FO' FREE!

Free pizza, the zenith of The Dirt Alert. Really, I think I've just jumped the shark.

Dialing For Democracy

A bunch of my friends got together on Saturday to drink beer, eat snax and call people in Oregon, New Mexico, Ohio and California on behalf of the Obama campaign, fo' free. I was really nervous at first, but then I got into it. (Honestly, the beer did help - does that make me Joe Six Pack?)

All the cliches are true - it felt incredibly empowering to engage in the political process and actually do something (besides protest and get illegally sent to jail - see Coco circa 1991), and I got to talk to some nice people on both sides of the political fence. (A few of my friends got some incredibly mean and racist people - that was a little depressing in this day and age.)

All in all, it was a great experience, and it was cool to think that across the country, other people who cared a bunch were doing the exact same thing. (Except in Ohio, where they were watching the Buckeyes game.)

So make some calls. It's not as scary or as hard as you think.

And check out this video my friend Paul made in Wasilla, Alaska.

Life Rolls On

The lovely G.U.S. invited me to the Life Rolls On benefit the other night, fo' free. His company had a table, I had a cool dress and 4-inch silver heels, and my date, the lovely Tue, had good cufflinks and an all-around amiable attitude. Since it was in Hollywood*, we got our photo taken on the red carpet before rolling in to drink champagne, check out the stuff at the silent auction, and have a lovely dinner with the likes of Kelly Slater, Morgan Spurlock, a guy from Incubus, and other famous and beautiful people.

Life Rolls On is a really great organization that helps people with spinal cord injuries and raises money for scientific research. The presentations and the speakers were extremely heartfelt and very emotional. In a time when it seems like everyone you hear about in the news has mixed or suspect motives, it was inspirational to be around people who are doing so much concrete good.

*If I haven't mentioned it lately, I love living in LA.

High Priced Sugar

Yesterday I was in a foul mood. Don’t ask unless you want the whole damned litany and you have an hour and a half. So, to give my bad mood the proverbial fuck-you, I bought myself a big fluffy sugary coco cupcake at the Alcove and I scarfed it down whole. And since we’re close to Halloween (or the Apocalypse) it had a skull and crossbones on it. Perfect.

High priced sugar. A good way to flip off what ails you, fo’ cheep.

The day got better.

Taking Stock

(A Two Part Series)

As we all know, I’m way ahead of the global financial meltdown because for my whole life I have been firmly committed to the cheep and fo’ free. And through the Dirt Alert, so have you.

These days the tips offered in the Alert may not be so much a lighthearted lark or a way to stick it to the Financial Man as they are a practical necessity. And I say fine. Let’s rock this shit out.

The first thing to do is hearken back to the lesson of our grandparents during the Depression. And that was: Don’t waste a goddamn thing. (These days, this mantra also gets you bonus points in Eco-Heaven.)

What the hell is my point? Here it is: (Read the next post now.)

Last Night I Made Stock From The Bones of The Pig on The Spit

I like to call this creature The Pig That Keeps on Giving. I made pulled pork sandwiches from the leftovers the day after we roasted it, and when I pulled said pork off the bones I froze them and later made a yummy stock, fo’ free. And from that stock I made the Best Split Pea Soup Ever.

I save the bones whenever I cook. I shove ‘em in the freezer along with vegetable tops and herbs and all the stuff from the fridge that is just about to go soft. I've made chicken stock, veggie stock, mushroom stock, beet stock and turkey stock, and my dad has made stock from crab shells. It’s super easy – just put the frozen bones and veggies in water and boil, then turn down the stove and simmer for as long as you’re home. Making your own stock means won’t have to buy it in cardboard containers from Trader Joe’s, and it makes you look all gourmet and not just like a cheapass.

So think about it before you throw your food away: Can you freeze it and make stock out of it instead? Because these days, anyone who can make stock instead of making it disappear looks like a goddamned genius.