I Got A Pig For Christmas

I know that half the people who read that headline were fairly certain that I meant a live pig, mostly cause my new favorite phrase is “if you have a porch you can have a pig,” but alas, no. The pig one of the few things I got for Xmas that wasn’t fo’ free, but it was from a Chilean collective, and if you come to my house for dinner anytime soon, you will most likely get to eat from it.

Our little collective had their Xmas a little early this year, this past weekend (solstice, yo), cause that was the only time that Eeew and Princess Dania and Foxy B and Brotherfromanothermother could come up to the L to the O to the P. And I’m not too shy to say we gave reused, recycled and homemade gifts to each other. We did this one other year and we all liked it so much that we decided to do it again. It’s more fun to make shit than to go shopping, and besides, we’re all cheeepasses. And virtuous recyclers, of course.

So while I did get some righteous store-bought stuff (really cute mittens, a pedometer), I also scored a gorgeous homemade scarf and a photo calendar, and I GAVE gifts that frankly came from various shoots I’d produced (my nephews in Kan’s-Ass scored an entire sporting goods store for the cost of shipping), the Goodwill (where we have always buy Brotherfromanother Xmas shirts – he loves ‘em), and previous clothes swaps (designer shit for the ladies in my family that would’ve ended up at the Goodwill).

Better stuff, less money, and no time at the mall. Fuck yeah. Now all we have to do on the real Xmas is enjoy that other fine holiday tradition – movies and Chinese food.

MERRY XMAS (TODAY IN AUSTRALIA!!)

Yesterday My Sister Cut Down Our Xmas Tree In Our Front Yard With A Chainsaw

And today we saw these cops' horses eating hay out of the back of a pickup truck in the Safeway parking lot. Welcome to Christmas in the Sierras.

What A Cow

Instead of giving each other holiday gifts, the Superposse decided to get together and give a village a heifer. Why? Because nobody wants to go to the mall, and because we already have the best lives, fo' free.

So get together with your crew, give up on the scented candles and pearl-handled cheese graters, and get someone else's posse a yak, a camel, a poodle, a chicken, a pig, a water buffalo or a cow fo' them fo' free.

Dirty Dirty Dirty Girl

Well, well, well. All three holiday parties that I've been to so far occurred on the exact same night, and it's taken me this long to recover. Seriously, my head still hurts, and I mostly blame Tim, or as I now like to call him, TKO.

First of all, there was the 826 Valencia fiesta in Echo Park, where I almost bought Robot Milk and met the truly nice guy Dave Eggers and then failed to recognize Natalie Portman and then watched The Real Janelle try to sell our illegal parking spot to Ed Norton for ten bux.

Then it was on to Heather & Tim's beautiful house party, where Tim mixed me a perfect gin martini that was approximately the size of my head and almost laid me flat (thus earning his nickname). I stationed myself strategically next to the Cowgirl Creamery cheese plate for way longer than it was polite and celebrated the season with the rest of the Posse the best way we knew how - by drinking drinx and talking shit.

And then, as one does, we put on our wigs, moustaches and merkins (I'm not explaining what this is to anyone else ever again) and went on down to D-Lite and Andrew's joint bday party. They received bacon candy from me; I received way too much delicious punch from them. And the evening became one of the most funnest booty-shaking lovefests ever. There's something about putting on a costume that breaks down the barriers and lets everyone connect just a little bit more...or maybe it was just the punch.

Partyin' x 3 = Fo' Free + The Best Night of the Season. But stay tuned, because Wednesday night is the Coco and Darcy Short Stop Holiday Dancy Party Supreme, and I may well have my strength back.

I Got Fleas

Tulita and I went to the Rose Bowl Flea Market last Sunday, and once again, I got a little bit of love while Tulita got a whole damn bunch (see Things To Put Things In at right). I love going to the flea market - great people watching and making fun of weird lamps and finding a great little Xmas present for Queen Sonda (that was my little bit o' love, which of course I can't show).

As we browsed, Tulita and I revisited all the times we'd been there before - when I bought her the Gainey for her birthday (vintage pot, yo); when she scored the perfect turquoise vinyl couch for $100 bux and we put it in my truck (sigh); when I narrowly missed the perfect living room chairs cause some punk had bought 'em 15 minutes before (turned out to be OK cause I later went on to score my orange round chairs at a garage sale on Beachwood for $75 bux. Rockit.)

The flea market is all good, whether you score or not: Sunday morning, outside, walking, yapping, bargains, the recycling economy, telling off a vendor who's trying to sell OPI nail polish for more than it costs in the drugstore. I ask you, what is not to love?

Bass In Yo' Face

It's the first line from my favorite Public Enemy song, and it's what happened to me Sunday night. Josh, AKA one half of Jacobs & Diaz, came with me to see Mark Dresser play and explain the contrabass, fo' free. Mark is the lovely collaborator of my lovely director, Miss Sarah Jane Lapponka,and he did the lovely music for one of her films that, if the truth must be told, was dedicated to moi. ANYWAY, it was great to meet him, even if I do now owe Josh a giant cocktail cause the guy next to him tried to spoon him during the performance. Or, depending on how you look at it, he owes me one.

So get your asses out there on Sunday nights and check out all the cool weird backroom shit this town has to offer. It's hard when it's chilly and you're already on your couch, but who knows? You might get a free spooning.

The Best Thing To Do When It Rains In LA

Go find yourself a friend with a hot tub and sit in it and drink wine. Hell, yeah.

It went like this: I made dinner for my friend G.U.S. at his beautiful house last week. I figured I'd make pumpkin risotto, cause I had all this pumpkin fo' free from The Real Janelle's leftover Thanksgiving table-scaping. This was actually the second time I made it this week, the first being for a slightly drunken super-fun girlie dinner, cause it was so damn good. (Big note to selves: Don't throw away a centerpiece if you can eat it.)

So Gus and I chomped, and then watched an episode of an old British sitcom, and then hung out and drank wine in the aforementioned hot tub. It's so rare that it rains in LA, and so rare that I get to chillax in a hot tub, and I was really happy to hang out with a good friend in both.

So think about who you know, and then line that schzit up for our next big rainstorm!

And PS - if you're thinking it's been all about food lately, it has.

What Up, Cupcake?

Guess who gets Coco cupcakes fo' free this week? Striking writers, that's who!

Support the WGA workers by bringing them some sugary snax, like these pomegranate cupcakes that C-Love made the other day. Cause high morale is one of the biggest assets we got. And the fact that we're totally right.

With Apologies to SMAL

Sometimes one forgets what life was like before the internets gave us uTube videos fo' free. Here are two incredible variations on one much-loved theme. Seriously. Watch them. Now.

uTube Is: Amazing
uTube Is: Terrifying

The Beautiful People

Now I know where all the beautiful people hang out. The really beautiful people, not what passes for beauty in ersatz plastic LA. They were at Honor Fraser's gallery opening on Saturday night. And the best part (besides those free tacos) was that we were all there because Honor is Al-x's new dealer. It's fun to go to any event where there are pretty people and free Dos Equis and the best tacos I've ever had, but it's even more fun when you're there cause it's one of your own.

And then it was on to the Mandrake, my new favorite bar, with the whole crew. The real beautiful people.

Honor Fraser Gallery

Dirt Gone Wrong

So Miss T and went to see this DJ, Dust Galaxy, at the Knitting Factory last night, and he sucked b**ls, but you know what? It didn't matter, cause the tix were fo' free.

I'm really not to blame - LA Weekly said he was good, and he was sponsored by KCRW. I didn't want to pay $25 bux for a DJ I didn't know, but I read the Knitting Factory newsletter, and it said at the bottom that if you emailed them back you could win tix. So I did, and I did.

So we went, and as you now know, it sucked. Now, this could have been a Complete Failure of Dirt, but it wasn't. You know why? Cause it was so fun to hang out with Miss T, and when we bailed we went on to La Poo and had tea and big glasses of wine and chatted with the lovely David. A great, great night.

But that's what sometimes happens when you get out there and check out new shit - some of it is bound to szuck. So what it all comes down to is having good company for your urban explorations. Cause it's just really you and the people you're with that make fun.

KFactory - They Have Other Good Shows